"Nothing but Manna"

"And the people complained in the hearing of the Lord about their misfortunes, and when the Lord heard it, his anger was kindled, and the fire of the Lord burned among them and consumed some outlying parts of the camp. Then the people cried out to Moses, and Moses prayed to the Lord, and the fire died down. So the name of that place was called Taberah, because the fire of the Lord burned among them.

Now the rabble that was among them had a strong craving. And the people of Israel also wept again and said, “Oh that we had meat to eat! We remember the fish we ate in Egypt that cost nothing, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic. But now our strength is dried up, and there is nothing at all but this manna to look at.”

Verse from Numbers 11:1-6.

As horrible as this may sound, there are times I tell myself, "If only I were a non-believer, I could do this, this, or that... Oh the things I would do as a non-believer!" In such a mode, I'm lost in the misconception that without the "constrictive" rules and restrictions of belief I would be free to do whatever I want under my own terms. Lying, cheating, stealing, seducing, being lazy and totally self-absorbed. I could do all those things without any regard to judgment or consequences (disclaimer: of course, not all non-believers do what I listed above - just saying that without my own restrictions as a believer, I could be freed to do those things). Of course, this is only IF you think that such things "free" you.

Now, what has been my "strong craving" of late that would lead me to this path of thinking? I don't think it's too tough to figure out based on my blog entries. I would take that "sabbatical" I mentioned in an instant if I were given the opportunity.

But last night I realized my attitude has been that of the Israelites mentioned above. I constantly tell myself that finding a woman is NOT the solution (in fact, it probably brings more problems than solutions... no offense ladies). Yet I refuse to accept that reminder and continue to want to (and do) believe that there is that panacea that would cure all my problems.

But our God is a jealous God, isn't He? He wouldn't let me replace Him with an idol, and perhaps that's why I'm stuck in a rut of singlehood, to remind me to wait patiently (I have no patience) and to look to Him to fill all my most basic needs (like manna did for Israelites).

This is not the easiest road (but whoever said being a follower of Jesus is easy?) and like I said, sometimes I just want to leave all my inhibitions behind and go crazy. Yet the Lord is so gracious and patient with me and gives renewed mercy day by day. He has protected me so far and for that I'm grateful...