In the quiet

As I struggle to stay up to get ready for 2 weeks of nightshift work (6pm-6am), a quiet deadness surrounds me. Everything is so still. No neighbors are up and there are barely any cars outside. I am alone to reflect with no interruptions, no distractions.

Like the mighty storms of the midwest, a storm has brewed in me recently. A time of questioning the status quo and of what I've always known... and searching for meaning and authenticity in this short life we have.

I think what it boils down to is that it is difficult for me right now to reconcile the supposed power of God, the utter pathetic brokenness of His people (i.e. the Church), and my own shell of a faith. I'm tired of living a life that's not authentic - going to church just because I've always gone to church instead of going to really experience something exciting in the faith. I'm tired of people who are supposed to be better than the world but come up so short. I'm tired of praying to a God who doesn't seem to hear my prayer. These are only some of the reasons why I'm taking a break from it all... By God's grace (if He really is powerful) I will be back, but right now I'm not seeing that light at the end of the tunnel.